Let's Panic About Babies!: How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant Who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain, and Finally Turn You into a Worthwhile Human Being (Paperback)
BABIES. Maybe you're thinking of having one. There might even be one inside you right now, draining nutrients from your system via a tube growing from its midsection. Or maybe you've already got one around the house, somewhere, and you're responsible for its continued survival. You're saddled with a helpless being whom you've agreed to house and feed and love with all your heart for the rest of your life, more or less.
Either way, you're confused, you're frightened, and 911 won't take your calls anymore. But don't despair! Let's Panic About Babies! is here to hold your hand and answer some important, age-old baby-related questions, including:
- How can I be sure I'm pregnant? (Torso swells gradually until baby falls into underpants.)
- Did I just pee myself? (Yes.)
- What happens if I have sex during my pregnancy? (Your baby will be born with a full, lush beard.)
- How can I tell if I've chosen the wrong pediatrician? (He/she can't pronounce "stethoscope.")
- How do I make sure my baby loves me back? (Voodoo.)
From the moment they're created until the day they steal our cars, our babies demand center stage in our lives. So join Alice and Eden as they tell you (and your lucky partner!) exactly what to think and feel and do, from morning sickness to baby's first steps. They know everything!
About the Author
Alice Bradley writes the award-winning blog Finslippy and co-author of the book Let's Panic About Babies! Her work has been featured in numerous anthologies, magazines and websites, including The Best Creative Nonfiction, Vol. 2, Redbook, Nerve, The Sun, The Onion News Network, and Fence. She was nominated in 2009 for a Pushcart Prize in nonfiction. Alice lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her husband, son, dog, and cat.
Eden M. Kennedy is the author of the web site Fussy.org, which was celebrated as one of the top ten parenting blogs by the Wall Street Journal. She has been featured in The San Francisco Chronicle, The New York Times, and on the BBC, and her work has appeared in several anthologies. A former bookseller and magazine editor, she lives with her family in Southern California.
“LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES! is the hilarious antidote to all those serious, earnest books that make you feel like you'll never master parenthood. Deeply irreverent, and surprisingly comforting, this book will resonate with any parent or parent-to-be.” —Gretchen Rubin, #1 New York Times bestselling author of THE HAPPINESS PROJECT
“There are a lot of pregnancy books out there that purport to be "funny." This book is different in that it's actually hilarious. LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES is the brilliant reply to every fear-inducing baby manual out there. You already screwed up royally by getting pregnant, now do something smart and buy this book.” —Diablo Cody, Academy Award-winning screenwriter of Juno
“The next time I am invited to a baby shower, LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES! is what I'm getting the mom-to-be. Then I'm going to sit in the corner and read it, and it will be the first time in history that someone has had a howling good time at a baby shower. I love this book unconditionally. Brilliant, funny, fabulous. Every pregnant human being should have a copy.” —Mary Roach, New York Times bestselling author of STIFF, BONK, SPOOK, and PACKING FOR MARS
“Please read this book while wearing an adult diaper, because you will laugh very, very hard.” —Susan Orlean, New York Times bestselling author and staff writer for The New Yorker
“An outrageously humorous, over-the-top guide to surviving pregnancy and child-rearing.
What's the most important thing women need in order to prepare for a new baby? According to the debut book by mommy bloggers Bradley and Kennedy, it's not formula, blankets or even a car seat. Come prepared with a sense of humor. Through absurd anecdotes, lists, charts and pictures, the authors satirize typical pregnancy handbooks in a comically ironic and often bawdy manner. Despite the inclusion of much useful scientific data, readers will more likely be drawn to the insight the authors have gained on the front lines of parenthood. There's advice for readers looking to throw a baby shower that will make friends suffer as much as the expectant mother; a World War II theme should do the trick. Ever wonder how to choose a baby name that fosters a desired trait? Macarena is a great choice for future dancers. With uncensored humor and honesty, Bradley and Kennedy provide future moms with comforting tips on how to cope with the appalling terrors of pregnancy, including how to satisfy the urge to vomit in public, deal with annoying family members and strangers and avoid insanity during bed rest. The authors show how laughter can be the most effective remedy to assuage the panic that often accompanies pregnancy.
A refreshingly unorthodox approach to a subject typically portrayed in a sappy, sentimental fashion.” —Kirkus